Everyone experiences anxiety. It’s not a pleasant feeling, but it is something everyone will feel from time to time. The fact is there are legitimate things to worry about in the world: from COVID or general health, to relationships or money. However if the feeling of anxiety becomes overwhelming and interferes in everyday activities it may be that talking with a counsellor could help.
Immediate help
The first thing counselling can help with is developing coping mechanisms. This could be introducing new ways of coping, or facilitating the use of those that are already present. There are some simple but effective techniques to help ease anxiety when it becomes too much.
One of these is mindfulness practice, which is simply a deliberate paying attention to the present moment. A counsellor may be able to act as a guide to experience mindfulness during a counselling session. The good thing about mindfulness, which may be challenging to those with negative self-talk, is that there’s no wrong way of doing it. It is not about developing a Zen-like empty mind. Rather it is just about paying attention to the present. When thoughts arise as they naturally will, it’s about noticing them and then actively bringing our attention back to now. The ‘now’ is usually easier to access through paying attention to the breath or other sensations in the body. However if any of those areas are particularly uncomfortable then paying attention to outside sounds may be easier.
There are breathing techniques and grounding exercises which can be helpful as well in easing symptoms of anxiety. These can be done when the feelings of anxiety are highest, but also at times when the feelings are less intense. All of these techniques are practices which means the more we do them the more they can help, like building up a muscle. Not all of these techniques will be right for everyone. Therefore it’s important to notice what works and what doesn’t, so you can pick the right ones for you. I can talk you through any of these and we can practice them during a counselling session, but they will be more effective if regularly practiced outside of counselling.
Investigating causes
Of course the techniques above are about easing symptoms of anxiety in the here and now. They are not about exploring why you might be suffering with feelings of anxiety in the first place. In counselling we can also explore what is going on in your life right now: whether you are where you want to be in life, your significant relationships, any work or studies, your sleep patterns, dreams, illnesses or recent losses and so on. This exploration should be done with compassion to understand why you might be experiencing anxiety. It is not about saying that you should be doing anything differently, but understanding why you are where you are right now.
It can also be helpful to look into the past to explore the origin of these feelings. For example if the feelings of anxiety became troubling in reaction to one specific event or if they developed gradually. We can also explore why your current coping mechanisms and general way of being are what they are, why they were helpful when you developed them initially, and if they are still helpful now.
Possibility of change
In compassionately investigating your current way of being, this opens up the possibility of choosing to do things differently. I talk about bringing awareness to your ‘way of being’ which just means how you react to stresses, how you interact with others, how you view yourself, your rules for living and so on. Some of these may be unquestioned ways of living that we inherited from our parents or whoever brought us up. For example, we may believe it is not OK to show a certain emotion like sadness or anger. We may have learnt very early on that to do so led to negative consequences, so we ‘decided’ (sometimes unconsciously) it’s best not to show that emotion. However sometimes those early decisions about how to live can come into conflict with the world later in life. This can lead to us feeling stuck or filled with anxiety about how to proceed.
Change can feel scary, even when the status quo is causing suffering. Through exploring how you got to where you are this can shed light on our internalised rules. This allows us to gently explore whether or not you would like to continue this way, or if those rules may need moderating slightly, or changing completely. Change is always possible, in fact I would argue that in one way or another it is inevitable. Sometimes the presence of anxiety may be telling us that something needs to change. While changing your way of being can sound like a big deal, it is often done in small practical ways. Just like developing immediate coping mechanisms, investigating different ways of interacting in the world is about practice.
If you are feeling anxious about the possibility of starting counselling, know that you are not alone. Hopefully what I have laid out here give you an understanding of how counselling could help. If you’d like to ask any questions or arrange a free consultation then please get in touch.